Fetus me who was so clueless of what life is actually😂
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Karna 2 weekend ini di rumah sendiririririan, ngga ngapangapain juga, jadi banyak merefleksi diri dan kehidupan sepanjang 2019 karna ngga berasa udah Desember trs mau masuk 2020😭
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Many crises happened throughout the year. I thought cobaan idup kyk bakal udahan aja gitu mereda since I felt like passed out in the first quarter of the year. But turns out many more came and will come😂😭 wkwkwkw
Well, this is not my best year nor worst year, but I learned and unlearned many things this year. .
Things to be well noted is… I learned how to drop my ego cuz many variables would be affected by my decisions of my own life. Had to swallow the bitter pills that I am the oldest sister and also the breadwinner of the family which won’t allow me to be the selfish one. I fought a lot with my beloved ones when it comes to choose the career path that I wanna take. But yeah, in the end, acceptance is process that I just can hardly rush it. Too much denial, indeed. Next time, we shud learn how to fasten the 7 steps of denial yah😂🤗
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Along with that, it feels like adjusting myself with a whole new different culture is so much exhausted😭 I feel so drained cuz I can’t be myself, the way I am, every single day, since I want to be “accepted” by being “the same like others”. Although lately, I learned to embrace it, that it is okay to be different, that it is fine to be myself, that I don’t owe anybody any explanation of my feelings/choices/preferences. Let me be me.
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Due to exhausted me, I think I am veeerryyyyy reactive lately. That I should learn more to be emotionally stable and proactive in responding those crises. I’m ashamed that I couldn’t control my emotions well until myb some people hurt by my words, sorry😭 that I should calm myself down, see everything more objectively and erase any unnecessary emotions. In a note that every emotions I feel is valid, while only channeling those emotions in good ways.
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Despite all things happened, I am very grateful of being surrounded by supeerrr supportive friends who keep me sane (HAHAHA) and help me going thru all these things. You know who you are❤
